The Free Sex Toy That Saved My PinkCherry Order | PinkCherry Sex Toy Review
Five years later, the two sex toys I deliberately chose are barely used — and the free little lipstick vibrator I almost dismissed is still bringing me joy.
Prefer to watch? Watch The Free Sex Toy That Saved My PinkCherry Order on YouTube:
Why I Needed a Quiet Sex Toy
When the flu of 2020 hit, I had to close the doors to my business and move back in with my parents.
It was one of the most humbling experiences of my life.
I was approaching 50 and suddenly living with my parents again because of circumstances entirely outside of my control.
Yikes.
Among the many freedoms that disappear rather abruptly when you move back into your parents’ house is one that perhaps isn’t discussed quite as often:
Your sexual freedom.
I had sex toys.
The problem was that some of them were larger and — more importantly — a little louder than one might prefer when one’s parents are nearby.
And when one of those parents has particularly acute hearing?
No bueno.
I needed sexual release.
And I needed to accomplish that release quietly.
LOL.
Enter PinkCherry
Sometime around the beginning of 2021, not long after I’d moved back home in December 2020, I went onto PinkCherry to see what I could find.
If you’ve read my other reviews, you may already know that I am a woman who loves clitoral stimulation. My enduring love affair with the Klitty by Svakom certainly makes that clear. You can also watch my Klitty review on YouTube.
So naturally, I went looking for toys designed specifically for my clitoris.
I found two that intrigued me.
I read the marketing. I read the reviews. I looked at the shapes and the promises and thought, Oh yes. There is some serious happiness coming to this house. Quietly, obviously.
At checkout, PinkCherry offered me a complimentary gift. I chose a pretty rose-gold Good Vibes Kyss Rechargeable Lipstick Vibrator.
It looked like lipstick. It was discreet. It could travel among my cosmetics without alarming anybody who happened to spot it — not because I was ashamed, but because sometimes other people get uncomfortable about sex toys.
Lol. Oy.
I paid for my carefully researched choices and waited for my package.
Discreet Packaging Really Did Matter
PinkCherry processed and shipped the order quickly, and the packaging was discreet. My parents were none the wiser.
I had a downstairs room, which gave me some privacy — but not enough to ignore volume entirely.
Quietness wasn’t a bonus. It was one of the original requirements.
Spoiler alert: the two toys I deliberately purchased were not worth it for me.
Exhibit A: The Defendant
The most expensive toy in the order was this purple clitoral stimulator with removable silicone attachments.
Five years later, I no longer have the packaging, and I cannot confidently tell you its name or manufacturer. So we are not delaying proceedings while I attempt to identify it.
It shall henceforth be known as Exhibit A: The Defendant.
I had been excited about this one. The reviews were enthusiastic. People appeared to be having transcendent experiences with it.
My clitoris had apparently missed the memo.
WOW.
It was unpleasant.
It was loud — which, given the parents and the acute hearing and the entire reason I had placed this order, was already a serious problem.
But worse than that: IT FUCKING HURT.
Not ‘a little intense.’ Not ‘perhaps I need to adjust the angle.’ My clitoris was screaming:
STOP!!!!! BITCH!
Because I had spent actual money on it, I tried again on another day. Perhaps I was overly sensitive. Perhaps my hormones were doing something strange. Perhaps we had simply met on a bad day.
Nope.
It was a hard no.
And of course, one does not generally return an intimate sex toy after trying it.
The Defendant was dismissed.
The VēDO Vino Sonic Vibe and the Tiny Little Idiot
Surely the VēDO Vino Sonic Vibe would be better.
And, to be fair, it was better. It wasn’t painful or actively offensive.
The VēDO has a small stimulation point inside its opening and multiple settings. I tried every one of them.
It feels like a tiny little idiot is slapping my clitoris trying to make something happen.
That’s it.
That’s the sensation.
Tiny little idiot:
slap slap slap slap slap
My clitoris scrunched herself up like one of the Mean Girls and said:
“Um, … no. Just… No.”
She just wasn’t having it.
It wasn’t horrible.
It simply wasn’t getting the job done.
Two paid clitoral toys had now failed me.
FUCK.
And Then There Was the Freebie
Eventually, I looked at the little rose-gold lipstick vibrator I had chosen as my free gift.
And I laughed.
If the two toys I had researched and deliberately paid for couldn’t take care of business, what exactly was this free promotional lipstick going to do?
I didn’t even bother trying it right away. I was pissed off.
Then, sometime later, I was extremely aroused and thought:
Why the hell not? What have I got to lose?
Dear reader…
Praise Aphrodite
Am I GLAD that I picked that beautiful little golden vibrating piece of heaven up… because it absolutely sent me to Heaven.
The Kyss has a power button on the base. A long press turns it on and off, and clicking through gives you ten settings.
I have tried all the settings.
I LOVE all of the settings.
There are settings for when I want a tease.
There are settings for when I want light vibration.
And there is a setting for taking me right the fuck there and finishing the fucking job!!!!!
It does.
Praise Aphrodite.
It is quiet. It is small. It is discreet. It is pretty. And most importantly, it is effective.
The free toy I expected the least from became the best thing in the order.
PinkCherry Sex Toy Review:
Approximately Five Years Later…
This is why I wanted to write this PinkCherry sex toy review now rather than when I originally bought these toys.
I didn’t use these toys twice and rush to tell you what I thought. I have owned all three for approximately five years.
The purple Defendant remains guilty.
The VēDO Tiny Little Idiot is still in there trying, bless him.
And the free lipstick vibrator is still the winner.
Pleasure is individual. A toy that makes another person see God may make your clitoris file an immediate cease-and-desist. That doesn’t make their experience wrong or yours unusual.
But long-term reviews matter because marketing tells you what a product is supposed to do. New reviews tell you how it felt during the honeymoon. After five years, you know what you actually reach for.
I am happy that I chose that little golden nugget of joy because it has brought me so much of it over these years.
It hardly makes a noise. It gives me the stimulation I want. And it survived long enough to become:
The Free Sex Toy That Saved My PinkCherry Order.
Continue Exploring
If clitoral toys and honest, long-term reviews are your thing, read my Klitty by Svakom review or watch the Klitty review on YouTube.
You can also read The Iconic Hitachi Magic Wand Review: Fourteen Years of Good Vibrations and watch my Magic Wand review on YouTube.
For another toy that has earned a full review, read my Nora by Lovense review or watch the Nora review on YouTube.
This review reflects my personal experience. These toys were purchased around the beginning of 2021. Bodies, sensitivities and preferences differ — gloriously.
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